Goodbyes

#11 of The Carson Diaries, from the episode “Letters From Pegasus”

by Setcheti

 

 

I helped Ford edit the video we were goin’ to send, just finished with it a few minutes ago and now Rodney’s got it and settin’ things up to send it.  I edited his message myself, cut it all out except for what he said to his sister, Jeannie – not that I didn’t know he’d been meanin’ for that to happen anyway, if not to have his message cut all together.  We had to have Dr. Zelenka redo his entirely, poor man had recorded an absolutely glowin’ account of Atlantis risin’ from the sea.  I had Ford save that, though, and noted it to go to Dr. Jackson instead of Zelenka’s family.  He’ll appreciate it, I think, and it was far too eloquent to go to waste.  Pity we couldn’t say the same about what young Dr. Kavenaugh recorded, but I think after General O’Neill reads the mission reports and personnel logs he’ll know exactly how much importance to give Kavenaugh’s thoughts. 

 

Listenin’ to all the messages for our dead personnel’s families, though…well, that almost did me in.  It was the second time Ford had heard it so he was a bit better off than I was, but he was quiet all the same.  Markham was a friend of his.

 

I’m tryin’ not to wonder if there was anythin’ I could have done to save him.  Sergeant Bates said there wasn’t and he’s probably right…but I still wonder.

 

I did take a bit of hope when Major Sheppard came back, though, he was that upset that he’d lost two men and no one had told him about it; I hope that means he’s findin’ his way back to what he was before.  Teyla seemed a bit distant with him, though, so I’ll have to make it a point to listen in on their briefin’ so I can find out what went on.  Score another one for Rodney, after that mess with Chaya he set things up for me so I can eavesdrop on the conference room any time I want, and scan whoever’s sittin’ in it too with no one bein’ the wiser.  Accordin’ to him Dr. Weir came all too close to not lettin’ him do the scans the last time, and that’s a risk we can’t afford to take again.

 

I have to agree.  We know now that the Ancients had enemies out there who used nanotechnology, and that they themselves had ways of influencin’ others as well.  The more I find out about them, the more I suspect that our ancestors may not have been as superior to us morally as they were technologically.  The way Chaya acted only confirmed that suspicion for me; if the story she related to the major was accurate, she was punished by the other Ancients for lapsin’ into what we’d consider moral behavior, not out of it.  The implications of that are enough to keep me up nights.

 

Not that I’m not up nights anyway lately.  In two weeks, give or take, the Wraith will be here.  I still haven’t been able to solve the problems with the Hoffan serum that would protect all of our personnel, and I also haven’t been able to turn it around to make somethin’ that we could use as a biological weapon against them that wouldn’t kill all of us as well.  And I don’t even want to think about the casualties we’re goin’ to have, the people we’re goin’ to lose…

 

The ships that are goin’ to blow up in midair after one hit from a Wraith dart.

 

I wish I could have told my mother goodbye.